Marriages can End if Your Spouse Refuses to Accept ADHD-RSD
Marriage problems are difficult to manage when a person has ADHD RSD and going through perimenopause. Having an unsupportive husband can result in depression and cause the marriage to end. It's important that everyone have a supportive husband because a marriages can end if your spouse refuses to accept ADHD-RSD. Below is how I felt when my husband continued to ignore, I was going through a difficult time with my hormones shifting and how my ADHD RSD took everything he said and did as a personal attack instead of trying to understand me.
The problem isn't about the justification behind the yelling or why I should have to answer to anyone. It's not about the refusal to back down or the repeated messages of how terrible of a wife I was. These actions have made me feel unworthy, and every time the yelling starts and I'm told what's wrong with me, it takes me back to a place where it feels impossible to be loved. The emotional pain is immense, and it’s difficult to heal when my concerns are downplayed or ignored. I feel insufficient and unworthy, punished in an unfair fight. It's hard to address my feelings when self-defense mechanisms turn the focus back on me. This makes communication seem impossible, as my feelings seem completely ignored. The lack of awareness about one's own actions can be dangerous, making it easy to believe everything is my fault without recognizing any responsibility elsewhere. This perception changed my entire life and everything I have ever felt.
Feeling abandoned in the marriage but not in the household has created additional problems. The emotional breakdowns and the lack of remorse or empathy during these moments have been profoundly painful. Being made out to be the bad guy for everything disliked about oneself has been incredibly hard to handle. Despite never having provoked verbally before, I feel blamed and attacked, which has eroded the respect, trust, commitment, and love that once existed.
The problem is that I’ve developed PTSD, and yelling triggers me back to a place I am frightened to be in. More than anything, it's the profound lack of respect for my emotions that hurts the most. PTSD, ADHD, and RSD create a complex web of emotional challenges that amplify each other, making conflicts even more distressing for me.
PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, means that certain triggers, like yelling, can cause me to relive traumatic experiences, evoking intense fear and distress. When this happens, I feel as though I am back in those moments of trauma, completely overwhelmed and helpless. This heightened state of fear and anxiety makes it nearly impossible to think clearly or respond rationally.
ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, adds another layer to this struggle. ADHD often involves difficulty in regulating emotions and maintaining focus. When combined with PTSD, it becomes even harder to manage the intense emotions that arise from triggers. My mind can become a chaotic storm, struggling to process the flood of feelings and memories that the yelling evokes.
RSD, or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, is a common yet lesser-known aspect of ADHD. It causes extreme emotional pain in response to perceived rejection or criticism. With RSD, any form of criticism or disapproval can feel like a devastating blow, leading to intense emotional reactions. When I am yelled at or criticized, it feels like a personal attack, exacerbating my PTSD symptoms and leaving me feeling utterly overwhelmed.
The interplay of PTSD, ADHD, and RSD creates a situation where my emotional responses are intensified and my ability to cope is severely compromised. Yelling doesn't just cause a momentary upset; it plunges me into a state of terror and emotional turmoil that is difficult to escape from. This heightened sensitivity means that even minor conflicts can feel catastrophic, leading to a cycle of emotional pain that is hard to break.
The profound lack of respect for my emotions compounds this struggle. When my feelings are dismissed or invalidated, it deepens the wounds caused by PTSD, ADHD, and RSD. It makes me feel like my pain doesn't matter, which is incredibly isolating and hurtful. This lack of respect and understanding magnifies the impact of each emotional trigger, making it even harder for me to heal and move forward.
In this tangled web of emotional challenges, it's crucial for me to feel seen, heard, and respected. Acknowledging my feelings and providing a supportive environment can make a significant difference in managing these conditions. Without this understanding and respect, the emotional conflict within me only grows, making it even more difficult to find peace and stability.
No, I haven't mentioned the PTSD before because I felt it would be dismissed like everything else I've shared. But this is a significant issue that I can no longer ignore. I'm saying this because I've been deeply hurt and I know I can't endure any more pain. I have only one other option to protect myself, and once I take that step, there will be no turning back.
It is only fair that I can voice my concerns without being made to feel guilty. It is only fair I get to express my emotions without being judged. It is only fair that you stop making me the only reason why you feel insecure. I deserve to be in a marriage that will protect me not become my enemy. I should be able to trust that won't happen, but I can't. When you say silly things like you stayed and that should prove something, it absolutely doesn't. I thought you loved me before and you proved me wrong. Like it not you are the one who put this idea in my head, it wasn't my doing. It only makes sense if you could convey how miserable I made you and it was believable, you should be able to convince with me with just as much passion you love me, but you don't.
When I said "I hated you" there is truth in that statement, I'm never going to deny that. I feel like you have given more than enough reasons to make me feel that way. If you took yourself out of the equation you might be able to understand how i feel. You might even agree with me.
The difference between us is I know where the statement comes from. I understand why I started saying it. I don't back down from how I feel, those emotions are so strong I can't forget them. But you can't even admit to what lead to me saying that. Those words didn't come from nowhere.
We could have been a better place in our marriage if I felt you cared about anything I told you. But my words seem to roll right off you every time you say "you don't understand" You could easily understand if you tried. You continue to ignore what I've said. I get the feeling what I've told you about ADHD RSD, emotional dysregulation, perimenopausal hormones, and going off my antidepressant just isn't a good enough reason for me to be depressed and you can't understand why I don't want to have sex all the time - it pretty much explains it all.
If you really wanted it to disappear all you had to do was make it a priory to pick up my meds and make sure I followed through on getting new health insurance but no you rather pick fights with me that could end our marriage. I gave you the solution and you ignored it. You won't let me drive the car so I can pick them up myself. What am I supposed to do? Why on earth would you think starting fights with me would be a good idea. You can't be that clueless as to think I wouldn't have an emotional response. It's almost impossible.
And no, my husband hasn't ever read my blog.
