Adults with ADHD often appear to contradict themselves due to the interplay between their fluctuating moods and thought processes. Emotional dysregulation, a common feature of ADHD, can lead to intense and rapidly changing emotional states. These emotional shifts can significantly impact how individuals think and make decisions, leading to changes in priorities and perspectives. For example, someone may feel strongly about a decision or plan when they are calm and then experience a complete change of heart when faced with stress or frustration.
This variability in mood can cause their statements and actions to seem inconsistent, even though their intentions are genuine at the time they express them. The fluctuating emotional states can alter how they process information and make decisions, creating the appearance of contradiction. Understanding this connection between mood and thought can provide insight into why adults with ADHD might seem inconsistent, emphasizing that their seeming contradictions are more about the effects of their condition on emotional and cognitive processes rather than a lack of sincerity.
Here are two real-life examples illustrating how mood can alter thought processes and lead to apparent contradictions:
Career Decisions: Imagine an individual with ADHD who is excited about a new job opportunity and feels confident about pursuing it. When they're in a positive and energetic mood, they might express strong enthusiasm for starting this new position, even discussing it with friends and family as a great career move. However, if they later encounter stress or experience a particularly challenging day at work, their mood might shift to one of frustration or anxiety. This change in emotional state could lead them to reconsider the job opportunity or express doubts about their initial excitement, seeming contradictory to their earlier enthusiasm. Despite the shift in their stance, their initial excitement was genuine, influenced by a positive mood.
Social Commitments: Consider someone with ADHD who initially agrees to attend a social event, such as a friend's wedding, with enthusiasm. In a moment of high energy and social eagerness, they might enthusiastically commit to being there. However, as the event approaches and they experience stress or become overwhelmed with other responsibilities, their mood might shift to one of exhaustion or anxiety. This shift could lead them to retract their commitment or express reluctance to attend, which might seem contradictory to their earlier excitement. The change in mood directly impacts their willingness and enthusiasm, reflecting how emotional states can influence their decisions and statements.
The Duality of ADHD
ADHD is often characterized by a lack of focus and an inability to concentrate, but for many of us, that's only half the story. We can also experience intense hyperfocus, where we become so engrossed in a task or activity that we lose all sense of time and the world around us. This duality can be both a blessing and a curse – the hyperfocus allows us to delve deep into our passions, but it can also lead to neglecting other important aspects of our lives.
Here are five detailed examples showing you exactly what I mean when I say we contradict ourselves.
1. Hyperfocus vs. Distractibility
Hyperfocus:
Imagine starting a new hobby, like painting. You become so engrossed in your work that you lose track of time, skipping meals and forgetting to attend scheduled appointments. This intense focus allows you to create a beautiful, intricate piece of art in just a few hours.
Distractibility:
On the flip side, when you're trying to complete a mundane but necessary task, like doing your taxes, you find yourself constantly distracted by emails, phone notifications, or even the slightest noise. What should be a straightforward task becomes prolonged and stressful.
Example:
A friend with ADHD describes a day when they decided to write a novel. They spent 12 straight hours typing furiously, producing several chapters. However, the next day, when they sat down to answer work emails, they couldn’t focus for more than a few minutes at a time, needing frequent breaks to avoid complete overwhelm.
2. Impulsive Creativity vs. Reckless Decisions
Impulsive Creativity:
During a team brainstorming session at work, your impulsive ideas lead to innovative solutions that no one else had considered. Your ability to think outside the box brings a fresh perspective and ultimately helps the team succeed in a big project.
Reckless Decisions:
Conversely, your impulsivity can sometimes result in making hasty decisions without considering the consequences. For instance, you might impulsively buy an expensive item you can’t afford or quit your job without having another one lined up, leading to financial stress.
Example:
An artist with ADHD once decided on a whim to start a mural on a public wall. This spontaneous act resulted in a stunning community artwork that gained local acclaim. However, the same impulsivity led them to book a non-refundable trip abroad during a crucial work period, causing professional complications.
3. Emotional Intensity vs. Emotional Volatility
Emotional Intensity:
Your heightened emotional sensitivity allows you to deeply empathize with others and form strong, meaningful connections. This emotional depth can enhance your personal relationships and make you a caring and compassionate friend.
Emotional Volatility:
However, this same intensity can make you prone to mood swings. Minor setbacks can trigger disproportionate feelings of frustration or sadness, and positive experiences can result in overwhelming joy that may seem excessive to others.
Example:
Consider a colleague who brings incredible passion and energy to their work, inspiring those around them. But when faced with criticism, they might react with intense defensiveness or despair, making it difficult for them to handle feedback constructively.
4. Spontaneous Exploration vs. Inconsistent Follow-Through
Spontaneous Exploration:
Your spontaneity leads you to explore new interests and hobbies that enrich your life. You might suddenly decide to learn a new language, travel to an unfamiliar place, or take up an unusual sport, leading to exciting and diverse experiences.
Inconsistent Follow-Through:
Yet, this same spontaneity can result in starting many projects but finishing few. Your interest might wane quickly, leaving you with numerous half-finished endeavors and a sense of frustration over not seeing things through to completion.
Example:
A person with ADHD might sign up for an online course in astrophysics out of the blue and immerse themselves in it for weeks, acquiring a fascinating new perspective. However, they may also have a collection of unfinished knitting projects, half-read books, and incomplete DIY tasks around their home.
5. Adaptability in Crisis vs. Difficulty with Routine
Adaptability in Crisis:
In high-pressure situations, you might thrive, using your quick thinking and adaptability to come up with effective solutions. Your ability to stay calm and resourceful in emergencies can be a significant asset.
Difficulty with Routine:
Conversely, maintaining a regular routine can be a major challenge. The monotony of everyday tasks like cleaning, cooking, or adhering to a work schedule can feel overwhelming and lead to procrastination or inconsistent performance.
Example:
An individual with ADHD might excel as an emergency room nurse, where each day brings unpredictable challenges and requires swift decision-making. However, at home, they struggle to keep a consistent schedule, often leaving household chores undone until they become urgent.
The Impulsivity Paradox
Another common trait of ADHD is impulsivity. We often act without thinking, making decisions on the spur of the moment. This can lead to reckless behavior and poor decision-making. However, this impulsivity can also be a source of creativity and spontaneity. Many ADHD individuals are able to come up with innovative ideas and solutions precisely because they're not bound by the same constraints as neurotypical people.
Here are five detailed examples illustrating the Impulsivity Paradox in ADHD:
1. Innovative Solutions vs. Rash Decisions
Innovative Solutions:
Your impulsivity can lead to creative and innovative solutions that others might not consider. For instance, during a brainstorming session at work, you might propose an out-of-the-box idea that turns out to be the perfect solution to a long-standing problem. Your quick thinking and willingness to take risks can drive innovation and progress.
Rash Decisions:
However, the same impulsivity can also lead to making decisions without fully thinking them through. You might rush into a new business venture without adequate research, leading to financial loss or stress. This tendency to act on a whim can sometimes result in negative consequences that could have been avoided with more careful consideration.
Example:
A tech entrepreneur with ADHD might impulsively decide to pivot their company’s direction based on a sudden inspiration, leading to a breakthrough product. However, they might also impulsively invest company funds in a risky venture without proper vetting, causing financial strain.
2. Spontaneous Adventures vs. Unsafe Behavior
Spontaneous Adventures:
Impulsivity can lead to exciting and spontaneous adventures. For instance, you might decide on a whim to take a road trip with friends, leading to unforgettable experiences and memories. This spontaneity can add excitement and variety to life, making each day feel like an adventure.
Unsafe Behavior:
On the other hand, impulsivity can also result in engaging in risky behaviors without considering the potential dangers. You might decide to drive at high speeds, engage in extreme sports without proper preparation, or try out substances without understanding their effects, putting your safety at risk.
Example:
A person with ADHD might impulsively book a last-minute trip to a foreign country, resulting in a thrilling and culturally enriching experience. Conversely, they might also impulsively try cliff diving without checking the safety of the location, leading to potential injury.
3. Quick Decision-Making vs. Poor Financial Choices
Quick Decision-Making:
In situations that require rapid decision-making, your impulsivity can be an asset. You might excel in fast-paced environments like emergency response or live event management, where quick thinking and immediate action are crucial.
Poor Financial Choices:
However, this impulsivity can also lead to poor financial decisions, such as making impulsive purchases or investments. You might find yourself buying expensive items on a whim or gambling without considering the potential losses, leading to financial instability.
Example:
An event coordinator with ADHD might thrive in organizing a large event on short notice, making quick and effective decisions to ensure its success. At the same time, they might also impulsively buy a luxury car without considering their budget, leading to financial difficulties.
4. Dynamic Social Interactions vs. Social Faux Pas
Dynamic Social Interactions:
Your impulsivity can make you a lively and engaging conversationalist. You might bring a lot of energy to social gatherings, making you the life of the party and helping to keep conversations interesting and dynamic. Your spontaneity can make interactions feel more authentic and enjoyable.
Social Faux Pas:
Conversely, this impulsivity can also result in saying things without thinking, leading to social faux pas or hurt feelings. You might blurt out inappropriate comments or interrupt others frequently, which can strain relationships and create awkward situations.
Example:
At a networking event, someone with ADHD might spontaneously share a brilliant and entertaining story that captivates the audience. However, they might also impulsively interrupt a speaker with an unrelated comment, causing discomfort or embarrassment.
5. Taking Initiative vs. Abandoning Commitments
Taking Initiative:
Impulsivity can drive you to take initiative and start new projects or activities. You might see an opportunity and act on it immediately, leading to new ventures, learning experiences, or community contributions. This proactive behavior can lead to personal growth and positive change.
Abandoning Commitments:
However, the same impulsivity can also lead to abandoning commitments when the initial excitement wears off. You might start multiple projects but struggle to see them through to completion, leading to unfinished work and a sense of frustration or failure.
Example:
A community activist with ADHD might impulsively organize a successful charity event to address a sudden community need. Yet, they might also impulsively drop out of a long-term volunteer commitment when a new, more exciting opportunity arises, leaving tasks unfinished.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
ADHD is also closely linked to emotional dysregulation. We can experience intense emotions, both positive and negative, that can seem overwhelming and out of our control. One moment, we might be filled with boundless energy and enthusiasm, and the next, we're struggling with feelings of anxiety, depression, or irritability. This emotional volatility can be challenging to navigate, but it also allows us to connect with the world around us in a deeper, more visceral way.
Here are five detailed examples illustrating the Emotional Rollercoaster of ADHD:
1. High Enthusiasm vs. Deep Disappointment
High Enthusiasm:
Individuals with ADHD often experience intense bursts of enthusiasm. When starting a new project or engaging in an activity they're passionate about, they can feel an overwhelming sense of excitement and energy. This enthusiasm can be infectious, motivating others around them and driving the success of the project.
Deep Disappointment:
However, this intense enthusiasm can quickly turn into deep disappointment if things don’t go as planned. Minor setbacks or obstacles that may seem trivial to others can feel like significant failures, leading to feelings of despair and frustration.
Example:
A person with ADHD might enthusiastically start a new fitness regime, feeling highly motivated and energized. However, if they miss a few workouts due to unforeseen circumstances, they might feel a deep sense of failure and disappointment, significantly impacting their motivation.
2. Empathetic Connections vs. Overwhelming Anxiety
Empathetic Connections:
The heightened emotional sensitivity of individuals with ADHD allows them to form deep, empathetic connections with others. They can easily tune into others' emotions, providing support and understanding that makes them cherished friends and partners.
Overwhelming Anxiety:
Conversely, this same sensitivity can lead to overwhelming anxiety. They may become overly concerned with others' opinions or worry excessively about potential negative outcomes, leading to heightened stress and anxiety.
Example:
An individual with ADHD might be the go-to person for friends seeking emotional support due to their ability to empathize deeply. However, they might also lie awake at night, replaying conversations and worrying about having said something wrong, leading to heightened anxiety.
3. Passionate Engagement vs. Intense Irritability
Passionate Engagement:
When engaged in activities they love, people with ADHD can exhibit immense passion and dedication. Their excitement and fervor can drive them to excel and push boundaries, often leading to remarkable achievements in their areas of interest.
Intense Irritability:
However, the same intensity can also manifest as irritability when faced with tasks they find boring or frustrating. Small annoyances can trigger disproportionate irritation, making it difficult to stay calm and composed in challenging situations.
Example:
A chef with ADHD might passionately experiment with new recipes, staying up all night to perfect a dish. However, they might also become intensely irritable when dealing with mundane kitchen tasks like cleaning, leading to outbursts or frustration.
4. Exhilaration from Success vs. Crippling Self-Doubt
Exhilaration from Success:
Achieving a goal or receiving praise can lead to feelings of exhilaration and immense satisfaction. Individuals with ADHD can experience these highs more intensely, feeling on top of the world and highly motivated to continue succeeding.
Crippling Self-Doubt:
Yet, this exhilaration can quickly turn into crippling self-doubt if they encounter criticism or failure. Their self-esteem can plummet, leading to negative self-talk and a deep sense of inadequacy.
Example:
A writer with ADHD might feel an exhilarating high after receiving positive feedback on a published article, motivating them to write more. However, a single critical comment might trigger intense self-doubt, making them question their abilities and consider giving up writing altogether.
5. Joy in New Experiences vs. Struggles with Emotional Regulation
Joy in New Experiences:
New experiences can bring immense joy and excitement to individuals with ADHD. They often thrive in dynamic environments where they can explore and discover, leading to a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Struggles with Emotional Regulation:
However, managing emotions during these experiences can be challenging. Unexpected changes or difficulties can lead to emotional dysregulation, resulting in sudden mood swings and difficulty coping with the new environment.
Example:
A person with ADHD might feel immense joy and excitement when traveling to a new country, eagerly embracing the adventure. However, unexpected travel delays or challenges can lead to sudden frustration and emotional outbursts, making it difficult to enjoy the experience fully.
Embracing the Complexity
Ultimately, the contradictions inherent in ADHD are what make it such a complex and fascinating condition. Don't confine yourself into a box, embrace the diverse essence of our journey. By acknowledging the duality, the impulsivity, and the emotional intensity, we can learn to navigate the challenges and harness the strengths that come with ADHD.
It's not always easy, but by embracing the complexity of our condition, we can find ways to thrive and make the most of the unique perspectives and abilities that ADHD provides. So let's celebrate the contradictions and use them to our advantage as we navigate through this maze we call ADHD.
