Navigating Adult ADHD Mood Swings: Understanding and Support
Adult ADHD often brings with it a host of challenges that can be misunderstood by others, and one of the most misunderstood aspects is mood swings. For those of us living with adult ADHD, fluctuating emotions, irritability, and periods of emotional dysregulation can feel like a constant battle. Adding to this, conditions like perimenopause, which impacts hormone levels, can further intensify these emotional changes. One factor that can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, particularly in mood regulation, is sleep—specifically, oversleeping. To clarify ADHD falls into two categories for the majority of topics, children ADHD and adult ADHD.
In this blog post, I’ll share my experience with adult ADHD and oversleeping, discuss why oversleeping can affect emotional regulation in adult ADHD, and provide insight into how we can better support one another through the emotional highs and lows.
My ADHD and Mood Misunderstood
Living with ADHD means that emotional regulation can be a significant challenge on its own. ADHD affects the brain’s executive functioning, which includes mood control, impulse regulation, and focus. For those who also face hormonal shifts like perimenopause, managing mood swings can feel overwhelming. For me, a major trigger is oversleeping, a pattern I’ve noticed emerging more often. Oversleeping isn’t just about waking up late or missing alarms; it has far-reaching consequences on how I feel throughout the day.
Why does oversleeping affect ADHD?
Oversleeping seems like it would provide more rest and energy, but for individuals with ADHD, it often does the opposite. ADHD already comes with difficulties in managing focus, attention, and impulse control, and oversleeping disrupts the body’s circadian rhythm. Our natural sleep-wake cycle is designed to regulate when we feel tired and when we feel alert. When this cycle is disrupted by oversleeping, it can leave us feeling groggy, sluggish, and mentally foggy, making it even more challenging to concentrate or complete tasks throughout the day.
The Impact of Oversleeping on ADHD Symptoms
For someone with ADHD, waking up after too much sleep feels like starting the day with a mental fog that is difficult to shake. It’s not just a mild grogginess; it’s a profound feeling of being weighed down, making the simplest tasks seem insurmountable. When ADHD already impacts one’s ability to stay on task, oversleeping compounds these difficulties, adding to the frustration of not being able to meet daily responsibilities.
This is especially true when it comes to emotional regulation. ADHD affects how we experience and express emotions, and oversleeping worsens this emotional dysregulation. You might wake up feeling irritable or lethargic, and this can spiral into feelings of frustration, overwhelm, and even anxiety throughout the day. The burden of having an unproductive day can snowball, leading to greater emotional instability.
The Impact of Oversleeping on Mood
Oversleeping with adult ADHD doesn’t just make you feel tired—it has a profound effect on mood. When I oversleep, I notice that I’m not just groggy; my mood takes a serious hit. Feelings of irritability, frustration, and even a sense of depression can set in as I try to shake off the sluggishness. It’s not just about how much time I spent in bed—it’s about how difficult it is to get my brain working after that.
This connection between sleep and mood isn’t unique to ADHD, but the effects tend to be more pronounced for us. Because emotional dysregulation is already a common feature of ADHD, oversleeping can intensify negative emotions, making it harder to manage the ups and downs of the day. The weight of an unproductive start to the day often leads to a cycle of low mood and more difficulty managing ADHD symptoms, creating a negative feedback loop.
In my case, when I oversleep, I feel like I’ve lost control of my day before it even begins. This feeling of defeat can quickly spiral into self-criticism and anxiety about the tasks I need to complete, but now have less time for.
Why It’s Unfair to Be Yelled at for Moods
Unfortunately, the mood swings that come with adult ADHD often draw criticism from others, leading to misunderstandings and frustration. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been yelled at or criticized for my moods, which only makes the situation worse. For those of us who struggle with ADHD, emotional regulation can be incredibly difficult, and being reprimanded for something we have little control over can lead to shame, frustration, and feelings of rejection.
One of the most important things to understand about ADHD is that emotions aren’t always something we can regulate easily. Just like we can’t control external factors like the weather, we can’t always control the waves of emotions we experience throughout the day. Yelling or scolding someone for their mood not only invalidates what they’re feeling, but it also exacerbates the emotional dysregulation, making it harder for us to regain control.
Why Criticizing Someone's Mood Feels Especially Harmful
When someone yells at us for our moods, it’s like pouring fuel on a fire. Criticism doesn’t just sting; for people with adult ADHD, it can feel like a deep personal rejection. Many of us with ADHD experience Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), where even small perceived criticisms feel like overwhelming attacks on our character or self-worth. Being criticized or yelled at for something like mood swings can trigger this RSD, making it even harder to recover from the emotional overwhelm.
The reality is that we often know we’re being difficult or emotional—we’re hyperaware of it. But that doesn’t mean we can change it in the moment. Instead, being made to feel like our emotions are "wrong" or inconvenient can make us withdraw, feel ashamed, and spiral into an even lower mood.
How Can We Support Others with ADHD-Related Mood Swings?
ADHD mood swings can be intense and difficult for those around us to understand, but the key to offering support lies in empathy and patience. If you’re supporting a loved one or friend with ADHD, here are some actionable steps you can take to help:
1. Listen Without Judgment
Sometimes, all a person needs is someone to listen. ADHD can feel isolating, especially when emotions run high. Having a person to talk to without fear of being judged or criticized is invaluable. When you listen without judgment, you’re creating a safe space where the person can feel heard and validated.
2. Offer Empathy, Not Solutions
It’s natural to want to “fix” things for those we care about, but offering solutions to someone experiencing a mood swing might not be what they need. Instead, offer empathy by saying, “I can see that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and that’s okay.” Simply acknowledging their emotional experience can go a long way in helping them feel supported.
3. Be Patient with Emotional Fluctuations
Remember that moods can change throughout the day, and for someone with ADHD, this fluctuation can be dramatic. Patience is key. Rather than reacting to emotional outbursts or withdrawing from them, understand that these fluctuations are part of the condition. Give them space to process their emotions and try not to take their mood swings personally.
4. Provide Tools for Emotional Regulation
While we can’t “fix” ADHD mood swings, we can provide tools to help manage them. These can include self-regulation strategies like breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, or simply suggesting they take a break. For those of us with ADHD, it can be helpful to have a toolkit of coping mechanisms to turn to during times of emotional distress.
5. Respect Their Boundaries
Sometimes, when someone with adult ADHD is experiencing emotional dysregulation, they need time alone to reset. Respecting their need for space is crucial. Forcing them to talk or engage when they’re not ready can escalate the situation. Allow them the time they need to calm down and return when they’re ready.
Why It’s Important to Avoid Making Someone Feel Wrong About Their Emotions
One of the most damaging things we can do is make someone feel wrong for their emotions. When you tell someone that their feelings are invalid, you’re essentially telling them that their experiences aren’t real or that they’re overreacting. For someone with ADHD, this can be especially harmful because we often already struggle with feeling out of control or misunderstood.
By invalidating someone’s emotions, we’re reinforcing the idea that something is “wrong” with them, which can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and low self-esteem. Emotional dysregulation is not something we choose—it’s part of living with ADHD. Making someone feel bad for it only adds to the burden.
Building Emotional Resilience with ADHD
Living with ADHD means learning to navigate mood swings, emotional dysregulation, and the ups and downs of everyday life. While emotional challenges are inevitable, they don’t have to be debilitating. There are steps we can take to build emotional resilience and better manage our emotional health.
1. Developing a Routine
One of the best ways to combat emotional dysregulation is by establishing a consistent routine. ADHD brains thrive on structure, and creating a daily routine helps regulate emotions by reducing uncertainty and unpredictability. This could include a morning routine that starts with grounding exercises like journaling or stretching, which sets a positive tone for the day.
2. Practicing Mindfulness
Mindfulness has proven to be a valuable tool for those with ADHD. By practicing mindfulness, we learn to pause, observe our emotions without judgment, and respond more thoughtfully to triggers. Mindfulness exercises like deep breathing, body scans, or short meditation sessions can help calm the brain and restore balance during emotional fluctuations.
3. Learning Emotional Regulation Techniques
Working with a therapist to develop emotional regulation skills is vital for anyone with adult ADHD. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offer strategies for managing emotions and reducing impulsive reactions to stressors.
4. Seeking Support When Needed
There’s no shame in reaching out for help when we need it. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, joining an ADHD support group, or working with a therapist, having a network of support is essential for emotional well-being.
Conclusion: Be Kind to Yourself and Others
Mood swings and emotional dysregulation are a part of life with adult ADHD, but that doesn’t mean we have to suffer in silence. By creating a supportive environment for us and those around us, we can better navigate the emotional highs and lows that come with ADHD. The key is patience, empathy, and understanding—both from us and from the people who care about us.